April 26, 2004

What do you do when your spouse has given up?

I got a phone call today confirming "my order" for new furniture. The total cost was over $600. I certainly don't have that kind of money. And had I known about the furniture I certainly would not have bought it. I confronted my wife about the purchase. She told me it was her money too and she was going to spend it how she wanted.

I hate that when it comes to spending, its her money too. But when it comes to figuring out how to pay for everything, she wants no part of it. She has told me over and over again that she spends money just so she can hurt me. She just doesn't understand that because "it is her money too" she is hurting hurself as well as our daughter.

I asked her how we plan on paying for our daughter's education. She told me we can get a loan. I asked her what would happen if we had an emergency. She told me we'd just "put it on the card and make payments". She just doesn't understand that "the card" has limits. She has no desire to work on paying bills and just doesn't understand that you have to pay back what you borrow with interest. She doesn't understand that once you start borrowing, you become a slave to the lenders.

Finally, I asked her what if something should happen to me. I then asked "What would happen if I died?". Her response: "Hmm.. now there's an idea." What do you do when your spouse just doesn't care any more? What do you do when they have given up and just live to hurt you, your children, and themselves?

Posted by ehdonhon at 12:19 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

April 05, 2004

Bedtime battles

Sometimes I worry about my daughter. I am afraid that she is going to learn that what her mommy does is normal. I also worry that she will have problems much worse than my wife when she gets older.

One classic example is with bedtimes. My daughter does not know what a bedtime is. It is common for my wife to be awake until two or three in the morning with my daughter wide awake right beside her. Neither of them have a sleep schedule. They just go and go until they crash. Then they sleep until they wake.

The consequences are not that great for them right now because neither of them have to be anywhere at a certain time. However, the consequences are great when I have to go to work in the morning and my daughter chooses to stay up all night while my wife chooses to sleep. I'm very grateful that I have a job where my start time is flexable. Before my daughter was born I came very close to being fired at a previous job because my wife would want me to stay up all night with her, and then I would be late for work in the morning.

I've tried to explain this problem to my wife's doctors. But they either don't understand, or don't care. Honestly, I think people are so tuned to believing that all men are at fault any time there is a social problem, that they just don't know how to deal with a husband that really cares. Such a round peg just does not fit into the square holes that they are used to dealing with.

I have also tried to reason with my wife, but there really is no reasoning with her on things like this. She just does not see how the things she does affects our daughter. She wants more than anything to be a good mom. But she doesn't want to be told that sometimes she has to be tough or do something she doesn't want to do for the sake of her daughter.

Posted by ehdonhon at 02:58 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

April 04, 2004

Painting season

My wife gets house repair moods about seven or eight times a year. This is where she goes to some home repair store and spends a lot of money on something that she thinks is going to make the house nicer. She then brings the stuff home and expects me to stay up all night and do it for her.

We just went to Wal Mart and bought some paint. Now, I'll be working on the living room all day tomorrow.

Posted by ehdonhon at 12:50 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack