September 26, 2004

"We have to talk"

I can't remember how many times my wife has told me "we have to talk". The subject is always the same. She isn't happy with things, and she wants to leave me.

When she says these things, I don't know what it is that she wants me to say. Sometimes I think she says it for attention. Sometimes, I think she is trying to scare me. And sometimes, I just don't care.

But several hours ago she wanted me to take her shopping for new cabinets for the kitchen (the result of her ruining the present ones with all of her painting). And before that, she was very happy with me for surprising her with the perfume she wanted. So how am I supposed to take her seriously when all of a sudden she decides to tell me that she wants to leave?

The only real reason that I'm opposed to divorcing her right now is my daugheter.

I love my daughter very much. And I'm very concerned about loosing her. The last time my wife left me, she took my daughter with her (against my wishes), and kept her away from me. At one point she even tried to tell me that the only way she'd let me see my daughter again is if I signed away all of my custody rights.

Additionally, I've seen the way my wife neglects my daughter. My wife often does not get out of bed until 2 or 3 in the afternoon. When my daughter gets up, if I'm not home, she will stay un-fed and in a dirty diaper until my wife gets up. Meanwhile, my three-year old daughter is playing by herself un-supervised.

So, I'm really afraid that if it came to a separation again, that my daughter could be taken from me and put somewhere that just isn't safe.

I'm tired of living my life this way. But at the moment, there just doesn't seem to be any alternative.

Posted by ehdonhon at 01:05 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

September 21, 2004

Who's more important?

The first words out of my wife's mouth were "What are you doing home" as I walked through the door today. The next words were "Change the baby, she has diarrhea".

My wife was standing on a chair painting the kitchen cabinets. For those keeping score, this is the third time my kitchen has changed colors in the past two months. There was paint everywhere from her most recent endeavor. It was all over the counter, it was all over the carpet, and it was all over the brand new hardwood floors.

I asked her, "You knew she had diarrhea? Why didn't you change her?" Her response was "I'm busy!" When my wife is in the middle of painting, she lets nothing get in the way, including our daughter who was running around the house in a loaded diaper.

I took my daughter upstairs and cleaned her up. She had a fairly bad rash, so I put her in the tub. I wanted to let her soak for a while, so we played in the tub for about an hour and a half. I dried her off and took her downstairs.

My wife was sitting on the couch frustrated because the paint she was using was not sticking to the cabinets. I told her that the best thing she could do is just let it dry. I left my daughter with my wife, along with a fresh diaper and the rash ointment. I went upstairs to take a shower of my own.

A half hour later, I came downstairs to find my wife painting the cabinets agian, and I found my daughter running around naked. My daughter had gotten ahold of the rash ointment and had covered herself from head to to with the ointment. She looked like a little white ghost.

I asked my wife why she had not been watching my daughter, and why she hadn't put the diaper on my daughter. Her response was "I watch her all day, its your turn to watch her". I responded, "But you knew I was going up to take a shower". Her response was "You don't do anything around here. You are a fat ugly looser, the only thing you are good for is your money, which I take whenever I can".

I cleaned up my daughter, again. And put a diaper on her. Next I poured myself a soda, and sat down and turned on the television. My daughter started screaming that she wanted to watch one of her movies. I said to my daugher "Honey, the TV has been off all this time, you only want to watch something because I want to watch something now." I tried to put a video tape in one of our other TV's for my daughter to watch, but my daughter threw a temper tantrum. She wanted to use the TV I was using. I told her she was going to have to wait.

Upon hearing me tell my daughter that she was going to have to wait, my wife asked me this question: "Who comes first?"

Indeed, I'd really like to know who comes first as well. Who was coming first when my wife wanted to paint and knew my daughter needed changed? Who was coming first when my wife left my daughter alone with the rash ointment to go back and paint? Who was coming first when my wife was stealing money away from the only person that pays the bills to keep us in our house?

Those are all questions that are totally irrelevant to my wife. At the end of the day, she doesn't care how the lights are on. As long as they are still on and she is able to do whatever she wants, that's all that matters. Anybody that even slightly attempts to confront her with the realities of life, or the responsibilities of adulthood is nothing but an "ugly looser."

Posted by ehdonhon at 11:37 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

September 19, 2004

More spending.

Last night, my wife was heading out to do grocery shopping while I stayed home and watched my daughter. She was armed with $200 in cash which should have been more than enough money. However, she told me that it would not be enough, and told me that she needed the card to spend a little bit extra.

I gave her the card, and told her not to put more than $75 on it. I also said that this was for groceries only. She agreed.

I don't know why I did it. I suppose I wanted to prove to myself that I wasn't imagining things. I guess I wanted to show myself that it really is in our best interest to keep money away from her and that this isn't just some way for me to control her. I needed re-assurance that this was a real problem and not just in my head.

Well, I got my re-assurance. In addition to the $200 in cash, she also spent $385 on the credit card. Making it a $585 trip to Wal-Mart. There should be some kind of prize for that. Among the items purchased were: picture frames, area rugs, candles, fall lawn decorations, and Christmas ornaments.

Anyway.. maybe the next time she calls me an asshole for witholding the card from her, it wont hurt as much.

Posted by ehdonhon at 06:36 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

September 06, 2004

Why is it ok when she hits me?

My wife spent most of the day upstairs sleeping. I watched our daughter most of the day while also working on the house. After working outside for an hour or two, I came in and was watching some cartoons with my daughter. She was sitting in the living room playing with play doh when my wife came downstairs.

My wife was upset that my daughter was playing with play doh. She was concerned that my daughter was going to make a mess that she would have to clean up.

My wife started yelling at my three year-old daughter to clean up her mess and put the play doh away. My daughter, not wanting to stop playing with her toys let out a defiant "No".

My wife came storming after her, yelling and screaming. I could tell she was winding up to hit her pretty hard. So I grabed my daughter and put her behind me and told my wife "Don't you hurt her". So, instead of hitting my daughter, my wife wound up and took a few swings at me. Then she went back up stairs to go back to sleep.

Around 7:00 in the evening, I took my daughter over to my sister's house for an hour or so. I just couldn't stand being in the same house as my wife any more. I needed to get out of there, and I knew that my daughter would not be safe if I left her there.

When I got home, my wife had made dinner, but told me that I was responsible for cleaning up the mess since I didn't do anything all day. With my wife up, I wanter her to keep an eye on my daughter while I finished up the work I was doing on the house. I worked until about 11:30, but didn't get much work done. That was mostly because I ended up also keeping an eye on my daughter while my wife watched TV.

Around 11:30, I started cleaning up and putting tools away. My wife was mad at me for stoping. She told me that I don't do anything around here. She told me that I did a half-assed job, and since she knew me so well, she might as well have her father come and finish what I started because I couldn't handle it.

Right now, if it wasn't for my daughter, I'd be ready to walk away from all of this. But I know that there's no way I can be effective in protecting my daughter from my wife if I'm not living with both of them.

Posted by ehdonhon at 02:09 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

September 02, 2004

Painting on the Carpet

I think I've mentioned my wife's affection for painting whenever she gets into her all-night moods.

Well, she's progressed on to using spray paint to decorate the house. Last week, she decided to spray paint the kitchen table and furniture. The problem is that she did it right over top of the brand new, $500 carpet that we just had installed in the kitchen. She didn't even bother to put down newspaper first.

So, now we have spots of spray paint all over our brand new carpet. Her solution was to take the money that had been allocated for groceries and go out and buy an area rug to cover the brand new carpet. The problem now, is that we don't have any food.

But at least she thinks the kitchen looks nice. (sigh)

Posted by ehdonhon at 09:21 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack