March 19, 2006

My wife will not let me be a dad.

When it comes to parenting, my wife and I just don't see eye to eye, and I don't know what to do about it. I see my daughter growing up in the critical years of her life without any structure whatsoever, and I am so very afraid of what she is going to turn into when she gets older.

Today, we've been having problems all day with my daughter not listening to what she's been told to do. We haven't asked her to do anything horrible, just simple things like "pick up your toys" or "stay out of mom and dad's bedroom while we're getting dressed". Very simple instructions, that should not be a problem for a four and a half year-old to follow.

While changing my pants today in preparation for going out, I had to ask my daughter several times to go out of the room. Every time that I sendt her out, she came back in a few seconds later with some excuse why she needed to be in the room. I told my daughter "just wait outside for a minute while I get dressed and you can come back in". She just wouldn't listen, and finally I let her know, "If you can't stay outside for a minute, then you will go in time-out".

When she didn't listen, I took her to the steps to sit in time-out. When I put her there, I kneeled down below her at eye-level and tried to explain to her why what she did was wrong. Instead of listening to me, she started crying and shouting "Mommy, save me!", "Mommy, help me!", "Mommy, I need you!". She would not listen to me. I told her very sternly that she needed to sit and "hear my words".

Next, my wife came out of the bedroom and grabbed her up and carried her away and told her "it's ok". I asked my wife "are you going to support me?", and right in front of my daughter she told me "No, I don't support what you did."

I feel hurt right now, because I know my daughter is not getting the parenting that she needs so very much. I have no idea how to give my daughter what it is that she needs, when my wife is usurping my authority every time I try to be a good father.

My wife solution to the disagreement was to take my daughter and go up to her parent's house. No doubt, she'll go up there and tell a very twisted version of the story in order to gain the support of her entire family. Meanwhile, my daughter will have learned once again that she can get out of anything by crying and calling for her mother.

Posted by ehdonhon at 01:36 PM | Comments (5) | TrackBack