December 29, 2006

Funeral

My Aunt passed away on Christmas day. Today is the funeral. I'll be going to it alone.

My wife, who promised to go to the funeral with me and even canceled a doctor's appointment so that she could, has decided that she would rather sleep than get up and get ready. She claims she's teaching me a lesson. I don't know what the intended lesson is, but the lesson I'm re-learning is that she can never be counted on for anything, no matter how important it is.

Posted by ehdonhon at 09:50 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

December 15, 2006

More bedtime battles.

The other night, I had the opportunity to give a talk for a local organization related to my work. I didn't get home that night until 11:30. When I got home, my wife was already up in bed asleep, and my daughter was downstairs by herself.

I gave her a hug, and asked her how her day was. We sat on the couch, and I turned on the TV to watch the news. Soon after that, my wife came down the stairs and started yelling at my daughter to go to bed. My daughter started crying and clung to me. I asked my wife to calm down so we could talk about this, but my wife just told me "No, she didn't listen to me all day, she doesn't get any rewards" and started yanking on my daughter's arm. I said "you're hurting her", but my wife kept on pulling her. So I let go of my daughter. As my wife carried her up the steps, my daughter was bawling for me.

Shortly thereafter, my daughter came downstairs red in the face, crying very hard. She crawled up with me on the couch and I tried to calm her down. I turned on a cartoon to get her mind off of what just happened. She was just about settled when my wife came down the steps again. My daughter started screaming "Daddy, save me!" over and over again.

I told my wife that she needed to stop what she was doing. I let her know that she needed to calm down so we could talk about this. She wouldn't listen to me, and instead started demanding that I hand over our daughter to her. I wouldn't do it. My wife got very angry with me, and then went upstairs and went to bed.

By the time my daughter was settled again, it was close to 12:30. I took her upstairs, and put her in her room. She was afraid to sleep by herself, so I brought in a blanket so I could sleep on the floor next to her bed until she went to sleep. My daughter was actually going to sleep in her own room!

As soon as my wife realized that this was happening, she came out of our bedroom and insisted that my daughter needed to come in and sleep with her. I told my wife that she was finally settled and ready to go to bed in her own room, but my wife said "No, she needs to sleep in there with me." She then bribed my daughter, telling her that she'd put in a movie on the TV for her to watch if she went in the bedroom with her.

My daughter jumped at that opportunity, forgetting everything that had happened that evening. She went in the bedroom with my wife and watched a 2 hour movie that night before going to bed. We couldn't get her up in time for school the next day.

I don't know why my wife was so insistent that my daughter sleep with her. Maybe my wife is trying to condition my daughter to be dependent on her. Maybe my wife is concerned that if she allows any bonds to grow between my daughter and I then my daughter might want to live with me if we ever separate. Maybe my wife was afraid that if my daughter sleeps in her own bed that I might try to sleep in the bedroom with my wife. Or maybe she's afraid that if she allows my parenting methods to succeed, then she'll have to admit that the way she is doing things is wrong.

Posted by ehdonhon at 09:59 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

December 08, 2006

'tis the season to be moody.

Today, my wife decided that it was time to re-arrange the furniture in our living room. I attempted to let her know that I really didn't want to move everything around again, but it only boiled down to her using some really bad language in front of my daughter and me.

My daughter was scared and didn't want anything to do with my wife, so she was clinging to me. I told her everything would be ok and I held her. I let her know that none of this was her fault. My daughter wanted me to stay with her all night to protect her. I told her I'd stay with her for a little bit.

But, as soon as my wife realized what was happening, she started trying to coax my daughter into coming into the master bedroom with her instead. She offered letting my daughter stay up and watch whatever movies she wanted, and kept suggesting over and over again in a very sweet voice that my daughter come in with her. But my daughter wanted nothing to do with her.

So, instead, my wife insisted that she come into my daughter's bedroom with us (brining up the abuse accusation again). So, the three of us sat in my daughter's bed, while my daughter watched a cartoon on TV.

At some point in the cartoon, my daughter said to my wife:

"I want to have a baby sister"

"Well, that's not going to happen for a long time. At least not until I find somebody to replace your father".

Some time went by and my wife attempted to use some more coaxing to get my daughter to go into the other bedroom with her.

"Why don't you come into the other bedroom with me?"

"Because Daddy won't go in there with us. I want to stay with my nice daddy, not my mean mommy".

"Your daddy isn't nice, that's just a disguise. He doesn't really care about you and me"

The sad thing is.. I could totally believe she was saying this. The part I couldn't believe is the way she said it right in front of me. My daughter asked me,

"Daddy, are you nice?"

I really wanted to say, "Yes, I'm nice and your mom is bi-polar, she hurts anybody she can any way she can. She uses both of us to get whatever she wants, and hasn't a care for anybody else's feelings". But, I didn't. It wouldn't have made anything better. Plus, it would have brought me to my wife's level. So instead, I said:

"I can't answer that. That's something you need to decide for yourself"

I guess that was a good answer, because my wife didn't say anything after that. My daughter did manage to give me a smile though, when she said:

"I think you are good. I love you very very much"

My daughter then came over and gave me a hug and cuddled up close to me and went to sleep.

So, I guess it was a good night. The only thing is, I know my wife isn't going to let this drop. She's going to find a way to get back at me for this. She's mad now, and she will find a way to get revenge.

Posted by ehdonhon at 01:31 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack