January 30, 2007

That's not my job.

This morning, as I was laying in bed, my wife was standing at the foot of the bed yelling at me, "Dan, go get [our daughter] some breakfast". I asked her "why can't you do it?". She answered "That's not my job. I get her dressed. You get her the breakfast".

So, I went downstairs and got breakfast ready for my daughter. A while later, after she hadn't come downstairs yet, I took breakfast up to them, and found both my daughter and wife laying in bed watching cartoons. My daughter was neither washed up or dressed.

After my daughter finished eating breakfast, my wife told me to get her dressed. I answered "That's not my job, remember?" My wife retorted "You don't do anything around here! I have to do everything". My wife then continued to lay in bed, doing nothing.

Posted by ehdonhon at 08:49 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

January 23, 2007

I love you.

I've always made a practice of telling my wife "I love you" many times a day. Its part of my routine, but I'm not just uttering the words. I do actually love her, despite what she puts me through.

Lately, though, my wife is going out of her way to be sure not to reciprocate any words of affection at all. If I tell her "I love you", she responds with "uh huh", or "yeah". No more "I love you too". Also, simple things like "how about a hug?" are always responded to with a flat "no". If I try to hug her without asking permission, she gets very angry and pushes me away. If I get to close to her, she thinks I'm going to try and touch her, and will tell me "No, go away".

Yesterday, we took our daughter to see a movie, and ended up having a disagreement going into the theater. My wife started yelling at me in the theater before the movie, insisting that I go sit at the far opposite end from her and my daughter. My daughter started crying for me until eventually my wife had to allow me to come back and sit with them.

Just today I was talking to her about doing something nice together, and she responded with "it's too late for that".

I think my wife has gotten to a point where she has decided that she doesn't want to be married to me, but doesn't mind taking advantage of me. Ironic that she insists that I do nothing at all, yet she'd rather be with me than be on her own. If she's already doing everything then I don't see what she could possibly stand to benefit by hanging around me.

She has even gone as far as to tell me flat out that she wants to try to find some single men at the church she is going to and start dating them (while still married to me). She says she wants to find somebody better than me so that she can leave me. I suppose that's another reason why she doesn't want me going to that church.

She's just so full of anger and hurt right now, and she doesn't know why. But she blames me. She tells me I never do anything for her. She never sees anything but my faults. I'm her monster. She isn't in control and she doesn't know how to get better. So, she convinces herself that I'm to blame. Its much easier to think that removing me will make her life all better than it is to face the idea that even with hard work on her part, her life may not ever be 100% stable. She's waiting for her Prince Charming to come along and rescue her from me, just like she convinced me that she needed rescued from her parents.

There's no way that I can influence her at this point. Even words of support and comfort are flatly rejected. I pray for her a lot now because I know at this point, only God can bring her back to me.

Posted by ehdonhon at 02:09 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

January 10, 2007

Just fucking listen

I was upstairs in the bathroom tonight, when I overheard my wife yelling at my daughter downstairs. My wife wanted her to come upstairs and ask me if I wanted to order some pizza. My daughter apparently took the pizza menu from her hands and started coming up the stairs. My wife told her to give the menu back and just go upstairs and ask me. For some reason, my daughter didn't want to do that. So then my wife said it: "Just fucking listen!" to my five year old daughter. I couldn't believe my ears.

My wife is become worse every day with her temper. She's mad at everybody, especially me. And she takes it out on whomever is closest to her.

I was carrying my daughter up to bed that night, and my daughter was still all wound up with energy. As I carried her into the bedroom, she kicked the door very hard, which caused something to fall off the wall. My wife was very pissed, but she hadn't seen what had happened, so I took the heat and let my wife think I had thrown the door open. I was worried what she might do to my daughter.

My wife got very angry with me. She started yelling and screaming at me, and calling me many different names. My daughter was scared. I took my daughter into her own room and tried to calm her down. But this didn't help, because my wife came in about 30 seconds later and insisted that the two of them sleep in their room. My daughter was running and hiding from my wife yelling "Daddy, save me!".

I said to my wife in a calm voice "look at what is happening here. Don't aggravate the situation. She doesn't want to be with you right now." My wife yelled at me "I don't care. She isn't sleeping in here by herself." I pushed the issue and kept insisting that she tell me why.

Eventually my wife claimed that it was because she still thinks I'm a child abuser. She told me that as long as she believed that was true, then she gets to have all the say in how our daughter is raised, and I don't get to have any say. That was quite a revealing statement to me. As long as she can continue to convince herself that her made up accusations might be true, then she can also convince herself that she's the one with the say so.

I countered my wife's statement by saying that that I was already investigated by many different people, and the only people in this world that actually think I may have done anything are her and her family. This, in turn, led to a big denial on her part, which led to me digging out the papers to show her that her accusations were determined to be unfounded and the only recommended course of action was that she get counseling.

Then I approached her about using the "F-word" with my daughter. I told her that I heard what she said. She flatly denied ever saying that. She acted as if I was making it up, and she started calling me several names including "asshole". The scariest thing about this, is that I'm not sure if she was lying when she denied it, or if she wasn't even aware that she had said it. Sometimes, her reactions to things are so primal, I wonder if she even knows what she is doing.

After that, she marched off to her bedroom, telling my daughter that if she came with her, she'd let her stay up and watch a movie.

Posted by ehdonhon at 12:15 AM | Comments (7) | TrackBack