October 26, 2007

Fat, Ugly, LOOSER!

You hear something long enough, and you start to believe it. For me, the thing that I believe is that I'm a "fat, ugly, looser." That's what my wife tells me I am, and I believe her. All I need to do is look around and see what has happened to me and my wife and it's not hard to see that I've failed in so many way. The only thing positive out of my life has been my daughter, and I can't help but thing that I've let her down too.

Today, I was trying to trim our dog's toenails. This is a dog I never wanted. This was a dog that I was adamantly opposed to getting. But nevertheless, it was just there one day when I came home from work.

My wife never takes care of any of the animals that we get. She gets new animals, takes care of them for about 6 months and then totally forgets about them (sort of like what she did to both me and my daughter). She is personally responsible for the death of at least two of our pets just because she was too concerned about other things to take care of them.

The toenail trimming wasn't working out so well. The dog kept trying to bite me. So, my wife offered to help trim its nails while I held the dog. The problem is that she makes things worse. She's squeamish, and she cuts the nails wrong so that they start to bleed.

I should note that I worked for a veternarian for 7 years, so holding a dog safely to prevent somebody from being bit and prevent the animal from being hurt is something that I've been trained how to do.

Well, my took her time, and started cutting nails too close, and sure enough she started hurting the dog, and the dog got upset. So, I hugged the dog close and told my wife to hurry up. Instead she just started going slower and slower, and the dog was getting more and more upset.

Then out of nowhere, my wife stopped what she was doing and started hitting me in the face. She was screaming "You're hurting her! Your hurting her". Both of my hand were busy holding the dog, I couldn't defend myself. I tried to tell her that the dog was fine, but she wasn't listening.

Then my wife grabed the dog out of my hands and ran in the kitchen with her, blood dripping all over our new carpets. My wife was bawling like a three year old. "I hate you! I'm leaving you! I want a divorce!". I tried to tell her that I didn't do anything, but I had already been tuned out.

Then she came back in the room and yelled. "I wish you were depressed, then maybe you'd commit suicide and I'd be better off. Maybe if I keep telling you, it will sink in. Looser! Fat ugly looser!" So I walked away. And as I was walking up the stairs... "Looser! Looser! LOOSER!"

She knows how much that hurts me. That's why she does it. If she can hurt somebody else, she gets to feel better about herself. The rest of my day is shot now.

Posted by ehdonhon at 09:14 AM | Comments (4) | TrackBack